That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
