She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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