I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
