hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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