would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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