the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
