i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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