dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
