Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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