Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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