I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
