Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
