Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
