Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
