S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
