dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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