Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
