He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens