Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.