we're blogging at a bar
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!