I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".