just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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