Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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