SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
