I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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