He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and she was petting her beer can
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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