She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
