At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
