So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
