Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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