She is in my trunk
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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