Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
