So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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