Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
