After last night, I could never be a politician.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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