This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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