90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
