theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
