I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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