That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We're too hungover to prance.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
