You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
my liver is dry heaving
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize