guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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