This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
