i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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