i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i've created a new STD.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
