Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
