Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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