You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
