Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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