what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Be still, my beating vagina.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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