I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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