you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
