Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
