He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
