your room smells of hookers.
And success
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
