I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
and she was petting her beer can
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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