we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
sarcasm needs its own font
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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