I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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