is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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