There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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