Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
