ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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