so that wasnt chicken after all
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
