They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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