"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
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He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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