time to smoke my breakfast
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
