Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
