thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
